| PAUL REVERE VIRUS |
This revolutionary virus does not horse around, it warns you of impending
hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:\ |
| POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS |
Not really a "virus" but an electronic micro-organism. |
| AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS |
Your program is right where you expect it to be, but your data is out
across the internet doing who knows what. |
| TEXAS VIRUS |
Claims it is the biggest file on your system. |
| ALASKA VIRUS |
It IS the biggest file on your system, but nobody notices. |
| FREUDIAN VIRUS |
Your computer becomes obsessed with its motherboard. |
| SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS |
Not to be messed with, terminates your programs and stays resident,
it always comes back. |
| SIMPSON VIRUS |
Everyone thinks it's guilty of trashing your system, even though its
been proven otherwise. |
| OPRAH VIRUS |
Your 200MB files suddenly shrink to 80MB, and then slowly expand back
to 200MB. |
| HOFFA VIRUS |
Your programs can never be found again. |
| ELVIS VIRUS |
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs, only to
resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. |
| AT&T VIRUS |
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. |
| THE MCI VIRUS |
Every 60 seconds it tells you that you're getting too many messages
from the AT&T virus. |
| SPRINT VIRUS |
Blanks out your video display without warning at the drop of a pin. |
| MOBILE PHONE VIRUS |
Most dangerous when you drop your phone into your lap. It converts
your cellular into a sterilization device. First indication of infection
is when all your friends are grandparents and you realize you've never
had any children. Purportedly also rots your brain. One possible
early indication, particularly if you own an SUV: Hands Free driving
(no hands on steering wheel). |
| PBS VIRUS |
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. |
| ONLINE PROGRAMS VIRUS |
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. |
| MICROSNUFT VIRUS |
Unnecessarily complicated and bulky, it auto incorporates all program
code into itself regardless of who wrote it and claims it as its own, then
changes your data file formats so that they can be read by nothing but
the most recent version of the virus. |
| NIKE VIRUS |
Everyone knows about it, everyone has it, but it has no real content
expect for the phrase "..just do it", displays its name on your monitor
and on everything you print out. |
| SEARS VIRUS |
Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and
a set of shocks, you discover it brings back 3% of every file deleted. |
| TURNER MGM VIRUS |
Colorizes
your monochrome monitor. |
| TRUMP MACRO VIRUS |
In and out of your biggest programs, adds lots of flashy effects and
functions, but has trouble staying connected for long periods. |
| PEROT VIRUS |
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing
quits. |
| VENTURA VIRUS |
Incredibly robust and straightforward, more like a utility to clean
out unnecessary code and reclaim wasted space, but nobody takes it seriously
(formerly part of the PEROT VIRUS). |
| CUOMO VIRUS |
It doesn't run. |
| GORE VIRUS |
Invented with the internet |
| EMPTY SUIT VIRUS |
All hype, no substance, spreads nationwide every four years during
elections, effects are minimal but permanent |
| QUAYLE VIRUS |
Prevents your system from producing subdirectories without formatted
protocal recognition, handshake, station identification and permanent logon
to a binary network. |
KWAILE VIRUS
(aka POTATOE VIRUS) |
Their is sumthing rong with your compueter, ewe just can't figyour
out watt. |
| BUCHANAN VIRUS |
Your system works fine, but complains loudly about other viruses. |
| POWELL VIRUS |
Makes its presence known, then doesn't do anything. |
| HILLARY VIRUS |
Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another
directory. |
| DOLE VIRUS |
Powerful DOS 3.1 system virus, can't damage modern systems. |
| FORBES VIRUS |
All files are reported as the same size, but you know they really aren't. |
| OLLIE VIRUS |
It says its in control when it really isn't, causes your printer to
become a paper shredder. |
| BUSH VIRUS |
It boldly displays ,
, then it turns all the other viruses into hidden
files and tells your system nothing ever happened (related
to OLLIE VIRUS). |
| GW BUSH VIRUS |
All hype, no substance (doesn't really qualify as a VIRUS,
just a residual from the above). |
| NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS |
Possibly harmless, makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about
it because it actually dates back to Hitler's Third Reich. |
| REALTY CHECK VIRUS |
Continuously warns you of serious operating system infections that
are purely fictitious. |
| CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS |
The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half with the same
message appearing on each side of the screen. Each message says that the
lockup is caused by the other side. |
| BUREAUCRAT VIRUS |
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which
does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important
part of your computer. |
| ECONOMIST VIRUS: |
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is
fine. |
| GALLUP VIRUS |
Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent of their data
14 percent of the time (plus or minus 3.5 percent margin
of error) |
| RIGHT-TO-LIFE VIRUS |
Won't allow you to delete a temporary file. If you attempt to erase
the file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. |
| HEALTH CARE VIRUS |
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and then sends you
a bill for $4,500. |
| KEVORKIAN VIRUS |
Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy after being infected
by all of the above. |
or
Call
1-440-888-4749 (M-F 0900-1600 ET)
